4 Rules of Growth I Break

4 Rules of Growth I Break

Alas, another list of things. Things for growth, or maybe lack of growth. But, maybe by admitting the rules I break, I am in someway growing. I mean isn't the first step admitting you have a problem? These list posts are the number one most viewed on the internet right now. I'm totally making that number up, but honestly every site suggests using this type of setup. They're easy to read and give the viewer ideas in ways for growth as a person. Which, is so in right now. So, what about the rules one doesn't follow? Whether on purpose or not, we're not perfect and we don't have the ability to add every single habit we read on the internet into our everyday lives. On the other hand, there are those social constructs that aren't spelled out in lists but are total pressure inducing ideas introduced through memes and every day talk. So, without further ado, here are the things...
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Why the F*ck do I Swear So Much

Why the F*ck do I Swear So Much

I'll be the first to admit I swear like a sailor. God that metaphor is so overused. How about, I swear like I belong on a Bad Girls Club reunion? Or better yet, I swear like my mother. Now, my mother is never one to hold back. She's been swearing in front me since I can remember. So, whatever. Swears are just words, after all. Yes, people are going to say what a bad parent. How could she do that? Maybe it's because it's what I grew up with, but it doesn't bother me that my mom swore in front of me. It doesn't negate her telling me to say please and thank you, and honesty is the best policy, and treat others the way you want to be treated. To be honest, she taught me the worst word you could say is hate. Now that's a word, if used correctly, I think carries a lot of value. What do I mean by...
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The Biscotti Incident

The Biscotti Incident

I've have been pretty hush hush about my time in Europe. While I was there, I wasn't very inspired to write. Maybe I was still processing the events going on before me. Or, maybe, I just hold the events so close to my heart that I wasn't ready to share them. But, three months later, I'm ready to start talking. The Lead Up Before I set out backpacking through Europe, I spent about a month staying with my aunt and uncle in their home on the outskirts of Boudreaux. There was a question that had been on everyone's mind since I had arrived in Bordeaux. Why wasn't I jumping at the opportunity to get out and see Europe. Instead, I was sitting holed up in my family's house doing the same things I would have been doing at home. To be honest, it came down to fear. Though, I define myself as fairly independent, always insisting on dressing myself since I was two, going...
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Do I have PCOS?

Do I have PCOS?

I have wrinkly fingers. Not all the time, but, for the past two months the tips of my fingers have been dry, itchy, pruny, and peeling. Though it is a great look, I decided to do some of my own investigating on the internet with my mom. I came to one of three conclusions, either I needed to get out of the bathtub, as WebMD suggested, or I have an autoimmune disease. Specifically, one of the diagnosis that came up was hypothyroidism. The History Last year around this time, I was seeing a functional psychiatrist for my depression and anxiety. Before she prescribed medication, she had me get my blood drawn to see if their might be any imbalances in my vitamins and hormone levels before deciding it was simply a chemical imbalance in my brain. One of the things she had tested was my thyroid levels. At the time the test results showed an elevated TSH level, basically the level of...
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Pack the Perfect Amount For Your Island Vacation

Pack the Perfect Amount For Your Island Vacation

In other words, how to pack a normal amount of clothing when going to a low maintenance location. I try to use these tips I'm about to share with you no matter where I'm going. If you're like me, than it's hard not to overpack because you are NOT an outfit repeater. (I would rather wear my blue aloha shirt over my long-sleeved, neon patterned romper and call it "street style" than be caught dead in the same getup as the day, week, month before.) For me, my most recent trip to The Bahamas was a way to put to use each and every rule I had learned in my years of travel. Every time I have returned from a trip only to sigh at all of my unworn clothes was a lesson that would lead to my goal for this trip. I would try to whittle down my obscene amount of clothing to an almost understandable amount for the trip. Without...
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I Swept My Issues Under a Rug And Ran Away, Again

I Swept My Issues Under a Rug And Ran Away, Again

So, here I am, curled up in another ball, on another floor, having another panic attack. I ran away. I ran away from where I was running away to. When I signed up for staying in Nassau to help take care of a family friend's kids, I was running away from my present life. And now, here I am running away. Again. I chose to travel because I want to be outside of my comfort zone, to see new and different ways of living, to expand my Self, something different that let's me know I am moving forward, to learn who I am. Now that I am here--and uncomfortable--I don't feel like I'm learning anything. I just feel like I'm fucking up and making poor choices. As much as I hate to admit it, I made a couple of mistakes since coming here. And all the while I have felt very unsettled. And it's my fault! I've never lived in someone else's home...
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How Perfection Drove Me To Leave College

How Perfection Drove Me To Leave College

"Hi, my name is Ellie, and I have a fear of imperfection," I say, making eye contact only with my hands, which I have folded in my lap. "Hi, Ellie," you all chime back. "You see, I was born this way," I say, flashing back to the time I threw a fit because my mom braided one of my pigtails thicker than the other. "How does it affect you?" asks Yaris, the guidance counselor, who insists on wearing linen pants everyday and hasn't cut his hair in two years. I stare at him, as if I’m debating my answer. "Well, my desire for perfection holds me back, y’know? I get so overwhelmed by the idea of making the 'best' choice or needing to excel that I think I sabotage myself. So, I guess I keep picking the road most traveled.” Without thinking, I add, “it also has something to do with my fear of disappointing people.” "Wait, what do you mean by sabotage? You don’t produce your best...
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