anxiety Archives - Ellie Lewis

I have wrinkly fingers. Not all the time, but, for the past two months the tips of my fingers have been dry, itchy, pruny, and peeling. Though it is a great look, I decided to do some of my own investigating on the internet with my mom. I came to one of three conclusions, either I needed to get out of the bathtub, as WebMD suggested, or I have an autoimmune disease. Specifically, one of the diagnosis that came up was hypothyroidism. The History Last year around this time, I was seeing a functional psychiatrist for my depression and anxiety. Before she prescribed medication, she had me get my blood drawn to see if their might be any imbalances in my vitamins and hormone levels before deciding it was simply a chemical imbalance in my brain. One of the things she had tested was my thyroid levels. At the time the test results showed an elevated TSH level, basically the level of...

"Hi, my name is Ellie, and I have a fear of imperfection," I say, making eye contact only with my hands, which I have folded in my lap. "Hi, Ellie," you all chime back. "You see, I was born this way," I say, flashing back to the time I threw a fit because my mom braided one of my pigtails thicker than the other. "How does it affect you?" asks Yaris, the guidance counselor, who insists on wearing linen pants everyday and hasn't cut his hair in two years. I stare at him, as if I’m debating my answer. "Well, my desire for perfection holds me back, y’know? I get so overwhelmed by the idea of making the 'best' choice or needing to excel that I think I sabotage myself. So, I guess I keep picking the road most traveled.” Without thinking, I add, “it also has something to do with my fear of disappointing people.” "Wait, what do you mean by sabotage? You don’t produce your best...

Tag: anxiety

Do I have PCOS?

How Perfection Drove Me To Leave College